Monday, May 24, 2010

Feeling Worthless

Have you ever felt like you serve absolutely no purpose? Last summer while Tim traveled the East Coast he would tell me about how he preached, sang, learned how to plan a church service, helped with Vacation Bible School, performed in skits, and got to eat with dozens of pastors. Every night he would call me and begin the long list of cool things he did that day, and when he finally stopped he would ask, "So, how was your day?"
I would pause for a split second to recall my day: I got up at 4:45am, worked at the drive-thru from 5:30-3pm, came home to take a quick breather and change uniforms, worked at Bath and Body works from 5-9:30pm, came home and went to bed. "I worked," would always be my reply, with the slightest hint of jealousy and discontentment. Yep, that was my life. Work. And if I had the day off (which was very unlikely) I would spend it catching up on lost sleep.
I dealt with unhappy customers while he shook hands with seasoned, wise preachers. He got love offerings and a scholarship and I had to scrape for my school bill. His life was that of ministry and fulfillment. I felt completely worthless.

If you struggle with these feelings, allow me to share an answer that a woman of God showed me. First of all, don't hold it all in. God does not mind when you tell Him exactly how you feel. Many of the Psalms begin this way; David spills out his feelings of anger, hatred, bitterness, and discontentment to God and by the end of the Psalm he is singing the Lord's praises.
Second of all, realize that watching your man get more recognition than you is probably going to be a pattern for the rest of your life. It's nothing to get bitter about. My pastor gets publicly recognized far more than his wife does, but because she doesn't force herself in a "purposeful" position, he publicly praises her at almost every church service.
Lastly, find a friend that you can share everything with. The Lord made people to need other people, and it is perfectly healthy to have a best friend. It is a comfort to know that your friend is actually praying for you when she says she is. Nothing can explain the encouragement of a friend that really does know how you feel. Use the "buddy system" in life!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Swidget 1.0

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...